my favorite thing about twitter is how the auto-playing ad videos hijack your phone’s audio and stops whatever you’re actually listening to. the best part of this is that every fourth tweet is a video ad
my beloved neighborhood market and brunch spot recently changed hands and the old owners wrote a big long instagram post about how “the new owners are excited to keep all the things you love!”
NARRATOR VOICE: the new owners were not excited to keep all the things we love
“Kate from LOST coming out as anti-vax” wasn’t on my 2022 bingo card but maybe it should’ve been
hmmm, yeah, i think this story is four points
- 2 points to procrastinate aimlessly
- 1 point to panic about how i still haven’t done anything
- 1 point to do the actual work which ended up not even being very bad
i always use simple syrup at home but over the holidays when i was visiting family, they had demerara sugar cubes and i gotta say… there really is something special about using a demerara sugar cube
what does it say about me that i immediately assumed that the shoe was also a portable USB charging battery https://instagram.com/reel/CY7KqN2AV1P/?utm_medium=share_sheet
OREGON: Congratulations on paying off your car loan! Once you’ve received your certificate of title, you’ll need to bring it to the DMV within 30 days to complete your title transfer.
ME: cool, i’ll make an appointment. when’s your next availability?
OREGON: Late March lol
employers hate it when you stir the pot, but they don’t realize that you gotta stir the pot. shit burns if you dont stir it. i’m performing a vital service!
i’m happy about the second half because if i see any of you fuckers with a hexagonal profile pic that’s an instant unfollow https://twitter.com/tomwarren/status/1484230094772133891
turnsoutyesyoucangetthrough20ozofcoffeeaweekallbyyourselfallyouhavetodoismakealotmorepouroverjustmakeanddrinklikethreeorfourpouroverseverysingledayitssupereasyanddefinitelynottoomuchcoffeeoranythinglikethattakeitfrommehahaimdoinggreat
run Slack, VSCode, and SEVERAL browser tabs… all at the same time 😎
close a few tabs and i might even be able to spin up a container or two 🤩 https://twitter.com/vysecurity/status/1483695863801155588
idk who needs to hear this but you should never put small wicker dolls into your sink’s garbage disposal. just put them outside somewhere. they’re biodegradable
never thought i’d see the day that my oregon vaccines got a SMART record. finallyyyyy
